Soren Kierkegaard used the word Angest to describe a profound and deep-seated spiritual condition of insecurity and despair in the free human being. Where the animal is a slave to its instincts but always confident in its own actions, Kierkegaard believed that the freedom given to mankind leaves the human in a constant fear of failing its responsibilities to God. Leaving aside the whole God thing (it'd be nice if everyone did) I think that Mr K missed the point- it's when we fail in our responsibilities to ourselves that angst gets a grip.. But that leaves the bigger question - who is it that we are failing exactly? I wear so many masks that I'm not sure who's underneath anymore. The business mask is one that I've put on, taken off, changed etc so many times that describing me as a *insert occupation here* is about as accurate as calling me an overcoat. Likewise, becoming a father and husband is something that I chose to do rather than chose to become - no-one becomes a husband because they see themselves as a husband, or a father. So that doesn't really describe me either. So what are the core beliefs or values that make me who I am? I'm still working on that one - maybe we're all too close to the subject to get it in proper focus, or maybe that's just an excuse not to peer into the darkness for fear of what might be lurking there.
Leaving aside the whole question of who I am, (yeah I know it's a cop out, but if I could answer that one in one short blogging session I'd be a freelance philosopher writing bestselling books).. the question remains as to what our responsibilities are to ourselves - bejaysus, this is turning into a sixth-form essay. A chance coversation in that great bastion of British Philosopy - the Pub, gave me a clue though. The PaintMonkey (for it was he) opined that it is the art (in it's widest sense) we leave behind us that defines a life)*.. which is a heavy obligation if 'tis so.
Very heavy.
*I may have got this wrong - we had been debating the eternal verities for a number of hours, and I was quite "tired" by the time we left the pub, which is probably why my head hurt this morning - over use.
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