Friday, 28 March 2008
Angst, angsty, angstest.
Wednesday, 26 March 2008
Updates..
n (Fish) = 1
Farewell to the Mighty Quins. I am the Death of fish.
Relatives visited = 1
Visited Mater in Scarborough - Therapies all completed now (radio and chemo) and looking better than before in a Judy Dench short-haired way. Boys hadn't seem "Grandma Seaside" for nearly a year as she didn't want to scare them while she looked like Skeletor's aunt... Weather was awful - north easterlies lashing in with hail and sleet - glad I never became a fisherman (despite 5 years of sea-training school).
Pirates voiced = 1
Easter day at Newby Hall came and went, with me being the voice of the animatronic Pirate Scarecrow. Yarr! Avast behind! etc. It was a nice day though - safe enough to let the boys go feral for a day - only saw then when they wanted food. Good people, good times.
Houses re-organised = 1
Finally got the computer out of the bedroom and into the living room, partly because boys will be using it more for homework etc, and despite parental controls being in place, it's nice to keep an eye on them. Bedroom seems more relaxing already.
Jobs = 0
Hmm... the Italians are still mulling things over, and the UK company likewise.
Moorings acquired = 1
Am really quite excited. The narrow boat will soon be ensconced in luverly new moorings at Apperley Bridge - half an hour away. It means that I'll at least get some use out of the damn thing. Only thing to do now is find out how to get it from the Avon up to Yorkshire... crew required....
Wednesday, 19 March 2008
Ooompah Loompas, Fish and Chips, and Milano
Friday, 14 March 2008
Displacement Activity and Jam Tomorrow.
The setback earlier in the week has left an empty hole where my enthusiasm used to be. But fuck me, if you could eat jam tomorrow I'd be a fat bastard. It's all jam tomorrow. Someone said to me yesterday that I seem to be running around at a million miles per hour, with "projects" left right and centre, but don't seem to make any time for myself. "What do you do for fun?" I was asked. What indeed? I sat there like like a guppy - mouth opening and closing and nothing coming out. The question still stumps me. Not a happy thought. Things that I might call fun just seem to be things that allow me to switch my brain off for a time - either by immersion or oblivion. So that's the challenge. Have fun. Sounds easy huh? We'll see. I guess that having fun means crawling out of my shell again - I've distanced myself from friends lately, and without explaining to them exactly why it's hard not to make that seem like a cold rejection on my part. One of the troubles is that a lot of my friends are scattered to the four winds, and an occasional email doesn't really replace the craic that we used to have, and I'm touchy enough that a lack of response to an email gets me either paranoid that my mail isn't working, or puts me in a "fuck you then" mood. Meh.
On other fronts, had to deal with distraught little people yesterday - two of the fish have gone to that place where fish are eternally blessed. Caramel the goldfish - gone. And the Mighty Quins (White Cloud Minnows) are now the Fantastic Four. God knows why they died. For once, t'interweb doesn't seem to be much help - I think that I did all the right things. Who knows?
Tuesday, 11 March 2008
My hat is knocked off, but I put it on again.
So I have the rest of the week to stew on it..... let's see what I can pull out of the fire... other than burned fingers.
Monday, 10 March 2008
Time will tell
Sunday, 9 March 2008
Small Victories..
Friday saw one cancelled meeting and one delayed meeting, resulting in much frustration. Frusration resulting in too much wine, resulting in a hangover on Saturday. Way to go.
But, in the spirit of "keep on keeping on" another meeting due this afternoon.. Sunday working - who'd have thought it?
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Well, meeting over and it finally looks like we've got a little traction with interesting developements coming out of left field... optimism is finally moving up the scale into positive values.
Thursday, 6 March 2008
Bloody Witches
Its' time for a decision, and I'm not sure what to do. I guess it all hangs on why I'm writing this blog, what it's for, who it's for and what I expect to get out of it... I've been to my first counselling session, and now I've got to decide whether this is something that I can share. If I rip my chest open and expose my heart what good will it do? What hurt could it do? On reflection I don't think that I will share, well, not everything. Still, twas interesting and kind of useful - even if it's just the modern equivalent of shouting down a well.
So what else has been going on? Johnny Foreigner has persuaded me to talk about working for them (an expenses paid trip to Milan - woo!). So that's one hare set running. Tomorrow is all about meetings - in the am it's all about serious games when I'll be putting my morals in my back pocket as I try to make a bob or two out of the military, and in the pm it's all about fun games where I try to make a bob or two out of teenage couch potatoes. Putting it like that, neither sounds like the sort of thing to be proud of, but strangely, I am. The scale of the task in front of me is bloody huge though, and frankly, terrifying.
On other fronts, a slightly weird night out last night was had.. not sure why, but even walking to the Blues Bar you could feel the tension in the air - little groups of teenage thugs, weird people shouting nothing - signs and portents. No reason why the rest of the night should have been so strange - but other people felt it too - vaguely unsatisfying and disquieting.. In the modern world we struggle to explain things like this where in the past it was just evil spirits or witches. Maybe its just the time of year for it.....
"In Christian Europe the old heathen custom of expelling the powers of evil at certain times of the year has survived to modern times.Thus in some villages of Calabria the month of March is inaugurated with the expulsion of the witches. It takes place at night to the sound of the church bells, the people running about the streets and crying, "March is come." They say that the witches roam about in March, and the ceremony is repeated every Friday evening during the month."
The Golden Bough: a study of magic and religion by Sir James George Frazer (1906)
Bloody witches.
Wednesday, 5 March 2008
"Sometimes I sits and thinks and sometimes I just sits"
Tuesday, 4 March 2008
Vanity or Therapy?
As my moods change, so do my priorities. Bollocks to biting off more than I can chew - I'm going to stuff my face - another hat is beckoning. The screen play that I started is calling me again - writing it was something that I enjoyed so much, I cant think of the reasons that I gave myself to stop. Maybe it isn't ever going to pay for my retirement, but if I treat it like a hobby maybe I can get something out of the process. Vanity or therapy? Who cares - I need both.