Spaceman, I always wanted you to go into space man....

I had trouble getting to sleep last night, and as is my wont I cycled through the things that I think about in such situations, the mental comfort blankets that let me fall asleep......dependent upon my mood and state of mind the top three are:

1)Sex - obviously - no need to elaborate here.

2) Super powers - currently there are two super powers that I'd like to have - the first being ability to make people defecate at any time. This would be very amusing - I'm particularly thinking of politicians here, and would love to see how they react to suddenly full undercrackers in the middle of important speeches. However, it would also be fun simply walking down the street and picking a chav at random.... The second super power would be the ability to control the minds of other people - I would be the puppet master, dictating the thoughts, actions and emotions of everyone (Muahahahaha!!!!) As I write this, in my minds eye I see a psychologist stroking his goatee beard and muttering darkly... BTW, 5 extra house points if you know the classic science fiction book series that this is borrowed from.

3)Being a spaceman. The scenario is this: Somehow I have acquired a spaceship - old school 1950's style flying saucer. What I do next is: land the saucer on the lawn of the White House, erect a force field around it, and wait. When the worlds TV cameras and diplomats are in place, the ramp slowly descends... and out of the mist I walk slowly down the ramp onto the grass, unzip, and piss on the lawn. I then re-enter the spaceship and leave. There is a variant to this tableau, where I am joined by a bunch of friends (all suitably attired in retro spaceman chic), and we proceed to have a barbecue, get royally pissed, then leave.

That's about it really. I do feel strange blogging this - currently I have no idea if anybody else has these little pre-dreams, or how anyone else gets to sleep (passing out is always a good option). Do let me know that I'm not too weird.